sometimes when kevin is sleeping over and im having nightshift insomnia (aka now) i think about all the times i wasnt comfortable enough with the situation to fall asleep next to a lover. the amount of time and life i wasted on boys with baggage, still caught up with an ex or some fantasy girl who wasnt me. the time i was able to put it into words while drinking with rachel at the belmar, "all i ever wanted was to be more than second best."
life is p good now. turns out im not such a raging jealous bitch when it isnt appropriate to the situation.