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Holly Hit the Atmosphere

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[26 May 2014|02:32pm]

l
ukh ga

But I feel a lot better.

[09 Mar 2014|06:19pm]

sometimes i just get so lonely when im away from my honey. like, irrationally sad. i wish they made midol that decreased the emotional symptoms of menstruation.

But I feel a lot better.

good mourning [05 Feb 2014|01:04am]

sometimes when kevin is sleeping over and im having nightshift insomnia (aka now) i think about all the times i wasnt comfortable enough with the situation to fall asleep next to a lover. the amount of time and life i wasted on boys with baggage, still caught up with an ex or some fantasy girl who wasnt me. the time i was able to put it into words while drinking with rachel at the belmar, "all i ever wanted was to be more than second best."

life is p good now. turns out im not such a raging jealous bitch when it isnt appropriate to the situation.

But I feel a lot better.

i am blue and unwell [20 Dec 2013|07:46am]
the setting: hospital parking garage 20 minutes before shift starts

i am walking to work and suddenly i hear a muffled "peach plum pear" - someone is playing joanna newsom in their car before work starts to get pumped up! i walk towards the sound, when i find this person maybe they will be my new friend! its not that way...its not this way...where is it coming from?

oh. it is coming from my pocket. it is my own pre-work nap alarm clock.

no new friends for me.
But I feel a lot better.

speculum [02 Oct 2013|09:37am]
on monday i went for my annual gyno appointment. my gyno is a NP/midwife. she gave me a long lecture about why i shouldnt go back to school (esp if i dont want to in the first place!) partially while she left the speculum hangin out in there. the latter part was weird but i feel a lot better now. she said its not worth the decrease in quality of life or the bullshit politics. NPs are the "step children" of the healthcare system according to her. i wish i hadn't been coming off of a nightshift and close to 24 hours awake so i could have focused more, but it was still an enlightening conversation.
But I feel a lot better.

ignorance [21 Sep 2013|08:13pm]
after 11 months of dad avoiding the subject of my lovelife, i got a little suspicious and decided to confront him about it.

holly: why dont you ever ask me about my boyfriend
dad: -silence-
holly: its not because he's asian right
dad: i dont know
holly: do you have a problem with me dating an asian person
dad: well, no
holly: well thats good
dad: but i do have a problem with you marrying an asian person

not going to even get into his "reasons" that followed. like. honestly my dads opinion matters 0% to me but after fucking up the first two decades of parenthood he keeps saying how he wants to work on his relationships with me and my sister - this is not exactly helping. when i told my mom this conversation she said "but he [kevin] loves you" and then i burst out into pre-menstrual tears. because that is the only thing that matters.
But I feel a lot better.

zen [17 Sep 2013|05:00pm]
stuff ive done lately thats made me feel zen as shit:

reading watermelon sugar in the park after a bike ride
taking a bath while listening to my favorite records

everyones all like, oh im so happy its fall because i like pumpkin flavored shit and im like
PUMPKINS MORE LIKE PUNK KIDS - APPLE FLAVORED 4EVER

also realizing the fact that we're in this social media tunnel vision where you're constantly comparing your life to how others present their lives to be so0o0o0o0 great on facebook. their lives arent actually as great as they try to make them seem and also a girl on tumblr invented this term that i think about quite often: FOMO, YOLO's evil twin: feeling of missing out. mindy kaling's autobiographys title "is everyone hanging out without me?" ---> turns out i am not the only person who ever feels this feeling. again, especially with the facebook. maybe its a generational thing.
1 things are getting worse,|But I feel a lot better.

sleeping//death [20 Aug 2013|05:18am]
what do you call it when
you miss a person even if
they're right next to you
but asleep

update:
he said i should have woken him
that way he could have spent more time
with me

~i just woke up and my eyes struggled to make his face out of my water bottle and tissue box. i forgot i was sleeping alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in other news, sam gilbert is dead and things are never going to be the same. i am grateful for that one time i got to smoke with him, maybe the summer before senior year. i wish there was something useful i could say to/do for michelle. as soon as i heard i tore ass up from brooklyn to be with her, for the first time in history i wish i was still living in yorktown so i could be around more.
But I feel a lot better.

its 3 am and i want to go to bed [23 Jul 2013|03:28am]
i can only sleep when youre here but i cant sleep when youre here

the night shift has been taking an especially heavy toll on me lately

checklist:
-clinical ladder
-shadowing
-christmas: start applying
But I feel a lot better.

heart jizz [30 Jun 2013|10:07pm]
sometimes i have doubts. like i think i would be better off as a single person because that is what i am used to being and i genuinely enjoy being independent. but then i remember what its all about. i dont think i could love anyone more than i love him.

washingtom
But I feel a lot better.

beeku [06 Jun 2013|01:44am]
its cute how you're so
concerned about bees and how
they're going extinct
But I feel a lot better.

ricecooker [08 May 2013|12:26pm]
ugh the people who read my livejournal are probably sick of hearing this, but the thing is i constantly feel like "shouting it from the rooftops" and i cant exactly do that on facebook without looking like a total dip. anywho, i am in love with this boy. i cherish every minute i get to spend with him and when we're apart for more than a day i get antsy about it. on friday he showed up at my door with flowers and wine for no good reason, i am quite spoiled these days. he's teaching me about new things i would have never gotten into on my own. i was doing online dating because i was bored with my 4 days off a week, i never thought it would lead to something like this. we talk about our potential future on a daily basis. that is a little scary for me but also exciting. this is the ~real deal.
1 things are getting worse,|But I feel a lot better.

breakfast sandwich [03 May 2013|10:10am]

dear livejournal,
this morning i came home from running errands after work and made myself a delicious and healthy breakfast sandwich and while i was turning to make sure i turned the stove off because im a paranoid android it slipped off the plate and onto the floor and now theres egg and pesto on my floor and im at the bodega getting a replacement sammy and where even is the bodega cat?? i have slept 7 hours in the past 48 (and even thats being generous). sigh, nightshift.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

But I feel a lot better.

miscommunication [14 Apr 2013|08:37am]
dear livejournal,
we are currently on vacation and yesterday kevin turned to me and said "babe i think we need to take it easy"
and i said as in what
and he said like, going out
and my heart stopped and i pulled over the car and was like R U SRS

the punchline is i thought he meant dating and he just meant going out to fancy restaurants because now that i am rich i am retardedly excessive with spending money, his included. omg i almost died for a minute though.

LOL
But I feel a lot better.

it was 85 degrees today but i was sleeping [10 Apr 2013|06:13am]
mer mer mer

at work our floor is the home to a new experimental way to treat people going through alcohol withdrawal. we were all hired for a cardiac floor, but they added medicine, its basically a dumping ground for geriatrics from our on-campus nursing home, and now up to 1/3 of our patients are potentially violent and hallucinating with assessments due every hour - which is only really appropriate in an ICU setting.

i just realized that i havent written much about my career goals here lately, should keep track of it. 8 months ago i thought i was going to do travel nursing. ha.

my new goal is nurse midwife. i dont really want to deliver babies, ideally i'd be working with women's reproductive health in a community setting, and i think that is the degree to get for that. either that or family NP with and just go into women's health. i should probably work on figuring out whats the best but its years off, as i would like more experience and i'm still going to be paying undergrad loans for a good 4-5 years. i'm going to stay on my current floor for another year or so i hope, and then maybe look for L&D jobs.

kevin is still hard at work at being the world's best boyfriend, surprising me all the time and saying sweet stuff, etc. i didnt think i was going to like him as much as i do, guess i was a little skeptical when he was a total stranger. also i always question my capacity as a normal human, maintaing a successful relationship and shit is not my style. we're going on our second mini-vacay this weekend to mystic ct. i would like to see the world with him. boston, philly, chicago, athens, new orleans, denver, portland, cali, one day maybe even the philippines and ireland.
But I feel a lot better.

reunion [27 Mar 2013|09:35am]
last night 5/7 of the boys i have ever kissed in my life were all in the same place alright?????
2 things are getting worse,|But I feel a lot better.

meh [25 Mar 2013|04:00pm]

You are in one of those moods and I
am in one of them too
and its hard to communicate
anything


lifes tough sometimes. and when i say tough i mean not picture perfect.
But I feel a lot better.

easy like sunday morning [08 Mar 2013|11:55am]
i cant focus to write a proper LJ entry with this new font i have to type it in.

basically what i want to say is

i've been MIA lately and im aware of it but im sort of in love right now so its like...priorities.

kevin is the greatest thing. he has introduced me to so many new things and he makes me feel good about myself and he is just so freakin easy to be with. easy on the nerves, easy on the eyes. i have never smiled so much. i have never been in a situation where im having a shit day or im in a bad mood and i think of a person and it makes everything better. i have never been in a relationship where our long term plans were not fantastical.

that is all
But I feel a lot better.

about a boy [12 Jan 2013|11:03am]
i just have to buzz buzz somewhere about how great this boy is and how its a really nice feeling to be treated like a princess and how this will probably ruin me as a prospective dater because my standards will be sky high from now on but it doesnt even matter because i wish to continue dating him for a very long time.
when the thing that sucks most about a relationship is that you want to be together more than is possible, things are still pretty good.
ps im so fucking zen right now
But I feel a lot better.

2012 [30 Dec 2012|12:09pm]
2012. what a fucking amazing year for me, sorry to brag but it was.

both obama and leslie knope won their elections.

list of major life accomplishments:

got a grown up job with a sick salary (to quote myself in my usual way of describing it to people who are unfamiliar with the average nurse salary: i make more than any 23 year old should ever make) then got a promotion/raise on top of that

got a sweet ass apartment in a baller neighborhood of the greatest city in the world, ive been living by myself for almost 3 months now and im still alive

dropped that v card reeeeal hard in essentially the best case scenario situation and never looked back

the good always comes with the bad, there were some instances of heart ache and fear of losing my job, hibernating in my isolated little nest in NYC but i'll take those crap moments for a generally winner of a year.

traditional LJ year in first-sentence-of-first-entry-of-each-month entry:

"looks like its time to rub one out on livejournal to get rid of this hard-on of ANGST. IM SO SCARED. oh, livejournal. mouth the words to me, so we can keep things quiet. cinco de mayo 2006 was the first time i ever made out with anyone and i took the SATs the next morning and i couldnt concentrate because i kept feeling that ice cube slip into my belly. im bitter at ted because our relationship was so meaningless to him. i was served free sangria on two occasions yesterday. 1. new apartment. literally. i am, in a word, disenchanted. you have no idea, you have no idea. it doesn't take much to impress me."
But I feel a lot better.

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